HIS AFFAIR, HIS BABY, HER PROBLEM?!

Welcome To Judgment Call

SPEAKER_04 0:00

She's seen it all from the bench. He's helped couples through it all. Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates. Real relationships, real reactions, real talk. This is Judgment Call.

SPEAKER_09 0:19

Hi, how are you doing? It's Judge Lynn Toller, and this is another episode of Judgment Call with me and Dr. Ish Major. Dr. Ish, how are you today? I am doing well.

SPEAKER_06 0:29

How are you, my friend?

SPEAKER_09 0:30

I'm doing very, very well. Shall we ask Madison what we have uh queued up for us today?

SPEAKER_06 0:36

Let's let's dive right in. Let's cue it up. Madison, what we got?

Mother’s Day And The DIL Gatekeeper

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Judgment Call.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Well, apparently I need an appointment to see my own son on Mother's Day. Okay, tell me if I'm overreacting. So I call my son just to ask about Mother's Day. You know, just a simple question. And before he can even answer, the dictator jumps in from the background like a manager. She pops in with, well, we already have plans. We? Well, apparently they, her and her mom, have a full itinerary, brunch, spa, matching outfits, the whole production. And my son, the one I carried for nine months and spent 32 hours in labor with, fully booked, not available. So I say, Oh, okay. When do I see you guys? And she goes, and so casually, probably next weekend. We'll fit you in. Fit me in? Like I'm a tire rotation? Are you kidding me? And then this is my favorite. She goes, Well, I'll just have him give you a call later. It'll be easier. Oh yeah. No, absolutely. Let's just streamline Mother's Day. I mean, why waste any time? Uh, you know, I don't know, seeing your mother on Mother's Day? But I get it. He's very packed, very scheduled. But luckily for me, I'm good friends with the restaurant that they're going to be having brunch at. So I told him to add one more to the reservation because I will be spending my mother's day with my son. And that overbearing controlling Twat and her mom will learn, you will not cut me out of any holidays. Period.

SPEAKER_09 2:44

Man, I'd buy tickets to that lunch. You could charge me, and I would show them up.

SPEAKER_06 2:52

I want to stream that pay-per-view. I'm signing up for that one.

SPEAKER_09 2:55

Yeah, you know that's gonna be something. My question is this why is she talking to the mother-in-law instead of talking to her son? This is a conversation that should be had between mother and son. Why is the third party, or is it the is it the the the daughter-in-law?

SPEAKER_06 3:10

Daughter-in-law, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 3:11

The daughter-in-law, yeah. Why is she talking to her son as opposed to the daughter-in-law?

unknown 3:17

Right.

SPEAKER_09 3:17

They're the one that has the relationship.

SPEAKER_06 3:19

So my question is do we have a mom who doesn't know how to let go, or do we have a mama's boy who's really too clingy, and the wife is how trying to step in and set some boundaries, right? Clearly, that relationship has deteriorated. In every marriage and every divorce, they end up landing on the same question, Judge. Who gets to keep the kids?

unknown 3:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 3:39

And what I hear here is a mom who feels like she's lost her son to the marriage.

SPEAKER_09 3:46

I hear you, but it's Mother's Day. And she doesn't get to be iced out on Mother's Day. It's not too much.

SPEAKER_06 3:54

That's what I'm saying. She feels like she's lost her son to the marriage. And I don't think she's asking for too much at all.

SPEAKER_09 4:00

At all. And but she's asking the wrong, she's talking to the wrong person. The son needs to handle her. And and he needs to handle his wife. And he needs to have his mother respected by his wife. But uh, I don't know how that lunch is gonna go.

SPEAKER_06 4:16

Oh, I know exactly how that lunch is gonna go. Well, listen, that's that's the thing, right? And so what is I always look at what is it that people are doing? What is the daughter doing? Is she is she trying to model for her new husband, this lady's son, how to set appropriate boundaries? Because if she could because that could be a thing that she's trying to do and it's just being messy and sloppily done. Or is she is is her and mom's relationship deteriorate to the point where the son, the husband now, is simply a pawn in their war games and she's just moving him around the board as she sees fit. Either way, he's gotta step up and set some boundaries, right? Here's how you here's the conversation. Hey, this is my mom. There's never gonna be a day where she's not my mom. Mother's Day is a thing. You've got your mom, and I would love to see her and spend some time. And I'm also gonna make sure I carve out some time so I can see my mom, and you're more than welcome to come or not. And then we're gonna get together at the end of the day. That's the conversation. Sounds like this young man needs some help in how to establish boundaries with his wife and also with his mom. And like you said, that's his job.

SPEAKER_09 5:24

Yep, that is his job. So my judgment call is son needs to step it up.

SPEAKER_06 5:30

Judgment for the mom. Son's gotta step up, baby boy.

SPEAKER_09 5:33

Madison, what do we got next?

No Contact Means No Contact

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Judgment call.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Anytime I meet someone new, I'm like, hey, can you look at my sister on Instagram? And they're like, why? And I'm like, just do it. Um, because long story short, my sister, my older sister went no contact with our family like five or six years ago. And like, apparently it's not just a bit. Like, she's like in it for the lifetime, like for the long haul. Um, and she has us blocked on everything, but like obviously she's not gonna have a random stranger block that I just met. So I'll like go on the phone and I'll look up her Instagram and I'll find it, and then I'll just I'm like her creepy ex-boyfriend. Like, I can't even help it. Like, I'm like, hello, it's me, period. Dot dot. Love and miss you. Hope we can talk. Um, always wishing you the best. You know, Merry Christmas, happy birthday, whatever it is, you know. And then immediately, like, she'll read it and like she'll just like block the account, and then like like the the stranger's like, what the fuck is that about? And I'm like, eh, it's a sister thing. You wouldn't understand. Do you have a sister? Yeah, you wouldn't get it. You wouldn't understand how these relationships are or like someone from our hometown will like post a picture and like tag my sister and I'll comment on it, and I'm like, Hi, sister. And then they'll and then the person who posted it will just like unfollow me or like delete my comment, and I'm like, You don't have a sister, you just don't get it.

SPEAKER_09 6:49

I have a sister-ish. Do you have a sister?

SPEAKER_06 6:53

I got five sisters, and I'm pretty well sure I get it. Not because none of them do that.

SPEAKER_09 6:58

I I didn't get it at all. I didn't understand the sister has gone no contact. If this is how they roll, you might see why they went no contact, because they can't even respect that. It's just like I'm poking at you and I enjoy poking at you. Don't need anything from you, don't need to work out anything with you. I just want to do stuff to you.

SPEAKER_06 7:21

Right, exactly. The way you do one thing is the way you do most things. And if this is the way you're handling the boundary your sister has set for five years, which is by going on social media and trying to expose it and poke it and sneak and and and stalk her, then that's probably the way that family does their business as well. So the sister may have very good reason why she set that hard boundary and has kept that line.

SPEAKER_09 7:45

Let me ask you this, Ish.

SPEAKER_06 7:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_09 7:48

Why? What is what is sis getting out of poking at her sister like this for?

SPEAKER_06 7:54

Well, you get to be the hero of the family now, don't you?

SPEAKER_09 7:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 7:58

Right? I'm the champion because I'm out here leading the charge and I'm fighting the battle. Got it. Right? Every every family, everybody plays a role in the family. So now we lost one, and clearly this seems like a family that's not able to take responsibility, accountability for whatever part that may have led to that boundary. And so it's us against her who's gonna lead the charge. Oh, I know. You can do it. I can do it, and then I can be the hero and I can be the good one, and we get to make her the black sheep kind of thing. But just the other thing I'm confused about is like you, I it's like I'm hearing a little young person's voice and a young person's mentality coming out of this grown woman's body.

SPEAKER_09 8:44

Yeah, I don't understand that. Help me understand that. It was like when you're little girls, that makes sense. You're messing with each other and pulling each other's hair and doing whatever you're doing. But as an adult, just to picket your sister, to picket your sister. I wonder what the dynamic of the entire family is. That would be fascinating to see. The ones that are not no contact.

SPEAKER_06 9:05

Yeah, and that's a big thing to do, right? To say, hey, I'm gonna be expartheid for my family, no contact for five, six years. That's a hard thing to do, even harder to do as a woman, because women like support groups and they have, right? They're friend girls, their family, and and all guys can kind of go out there and pretend that we're soldiering on alone, well, but we're not. But but but women are openly embracing that. So as a psychiatrist, it makes me wonder man, what was the thing that was happening? Right, yeah, what was there happening? Right? Was there a big uh misunderstanding? Was there a blow up? Was there a fallout? Did somebody do something wrong? Was there a boundary violation? Was there a trauma, right? Because they're talking about girls here. So I just it really makes me wonder. I've I've seen folks on the other side of that emotional transaction when you put that boundary and it's five or six years down the road, and when we trace it back to the thing that happened, boy oh boy, it sure is something big every single time.

SPEAKER_09 10:01

No contact wasn't a thing when we were young. Well, I'm older than you, and I'm I'm not gonna put you in the in the dinosaur category with me. But no contact is a relatively new to me concept. We didn't do that. We just, I don't know what we did. We just dealt with each other.

SPEAKER_06 10:21

Well, you know, um, you know, back back in the day you would you would move away, right? You would you would put some you would use geography as your ally, right? If you guys are in New York, I'm gonna move down to Florida. And we're just not gonna see each other as much because it's difficult to do so, right? There were things we could put in place. Now you just set the boundary, right? Now we unfollow each other and I just don't, and I block you on and I block your calls.

SPEAKER_07 10:42

There you go.

SPEAKER_06 10:43

And so that's a that's a thing. But you know, the other thing was I'm always looking at behavior, right? So it's like she's doing a come get dressed with me tick top. She's doing eyebrows, she's doing the thing, right? It's like come get dressed with me. Oh, by the way, oh my silly little sister. She hadn't called, she hadn't talked to us in over five years, right? This is as we say in in psychiatry, does what we call there, that is incongruent. Those two things don't match. Right.

SPEAKER_09 11:11

They do not go together. So, what is your judgment call on this one?

SPEAKER_06 11:16

I think I'm gonna my judgment call is uh for the sister who set the boundary and who's respecting those boundaries by staying away until things can change. I don't want an apology, I want behavior change, and it doesn't look like this is a family who's there yet. Exactly.

SPEAKER_09 11:31

Cosign.

SPEAKER_06 11:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_09 11:34

Now we're going to move on to Am I the Asshole?

Disney Trips And Adult Daughter Boundaries

SPEAKER_06 11:37

Oh, I like these.

SPEAKER_09 11:39

I do too. Am I the asshole for wanting to go to Disney with my boyfriend's family more than mine, even though I was supposed to go with my family in the past, but canceled. Am I the asshole for wanting to go to Disney with my boyfriend's family more than mine? Uh, I'm 25-year-old female. My boyfriend is 26-year-old male. We're planning to go next year to Disney with his family. We were originally going to go with my family this year, but we decided to cancel the trip due to money reasons. My mother was held to plan a trip with. She wanted to bring her dog to the Airbnb with us for two weeks' vacation just because she was going to miss her too much. All the decisions were basically made by her, and no one had any say in it. I'm finishing my degree this year, so it wasn't a good idea to go this year after after all with my family. I feel like my mother is going to react very badly if I end up going to Disney with my boyfriend's family instead in 2027. When I canceled the trip for this year, she wanted me to promise her I wouldn't go through with his family, which is a pretty toxic in my opinion, in my opinion as well. Also, my mother-in-law is a pro at planning Disney vacations. They've been quite a few times. And when I went with my family three years ago, we missed so many things due to lack of planning. Am I the asshole for wanting to go with my boyfriend's family more than with her? Added information. When I canceled the trip, her reaction was to try and convince me to go anyway, even if I don't currently have the means to, and currently plans to, and she currently plans to go without me. So have you ever been to Disney? Ish?

SPEAKER_06 13:14

Listen, it is magical. It is truly the magical kingdom. I love going to Disney.

SPEAKER_09 13:20

I've been to Disney World, never been to Disneyland, but I've been to Disney World, and it was a lot of and it was a lot, a lot of fun. But now we gotta we gotta ask ourselves about this young lady. Do you think he's wrong to want to go with her her boyfriend's family and not her own?

SPEAKER_06 13:34

Yeah, I think it's okay to A, protect your peace, and B, choose the thing that's gonna bring you some joy. It sounds like his family is a good time at Disney.

SPEAKER_08 13:43

Right.

SPEAKER_06 13:43

Right? And Disney is it sounds like hers are not quite so much.

SPEAKER_09 13:48

Right. Right. And Disney is an expensive place. If you go, right, I don't want to go and have a bad experience. And if it's not well planned, and it's not not well done as it seems to be with her own mother, then you go with someone who has it well planned and well done, and it appears that the daughter is also paying for her own way. So you pay for a good time. And you can't tell, I'd even tell my mother. I said, Mom, I'd go with you. But you never have anything planned out, you never want to listen to anybody's opinion.

SPEAKER_06 14:20

I'd go with you if you if you listen to some opinions, but hey, right well, and 25 years old is an interesting age for mothers and daughters, right? At some point in that mother-daughter dynamic, you shift from having mother-daughter conversations to being able to have woman-to-woman conversations. Woman conversations, right?

SPEAKER_09 14:41

And then you can make this move now.

SPEAKER_06 14:43

Right. And this is a this is a time where it's time to have a woman-to-woman talk. Was like, hey girl, listen, you we've done Disney a few times now, and it's been pretty good, but we missed some stuff that last time. Here's where I am now, right? I got this guy. I really like him. His family's really organized. No shade, but they're really, really organized when it comes to Disney. And I'm trying to, and I'm trying to build something here. So for this year, I'm just gonna go with them. You know what I mean? And then we're gonna do something else. That's the woman-to-woman, that's that girl talk. That's that woman-to-woman conversation that no mom should take personally because it's her daughter doing the next thing that's gonna make her happy.

SPEAKER_09 15:20

But it's interesting though, ish, it is difficult for a daughter to make that transition. I know trying to make that transition with my mother about she's she's still my mother. And she's always been my mother, and she's always told me what to do, and she's always been right. And I I don't recall the first time. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_06 15:42

I see I see a memory, I see a flashback coming here.

SPEAKER_09 15:45

The first time that I really came out and said, Mommy, I don't agree with you and I don't care, is when I decided to marry the man that I married. And we married for 34 years. That was the first time we didn't speak for six months. And it's hard to have that conversation because I had to woman all the way up and say, I understand that you don't agree, but I love him. And then, you know, right before she died, she said, I was wrong, you were right, you married the right guy. But it's hard to have that conversation as a daughter because you still feel like a kid.

SPEAKER_06 16:15

Yeah, it's hard, it's hard. But on the other side of that emotional transaction, you got this extra boost of personal integrity because you stood up for yourself. And as the folks in the East say, you did the next right thing, right? That's that Buddhist principle. How do you get through the day without feeling diminished by the end? Well, with each next thing, you try to make it the next right thing. And the next right thing is to say, hey, no, it's it's we're I don't love them more, but we're gonna do this year. I'm gonna do it with them, and then next year, because this one we stumbled in terms of financially, we'll both, we everybody will be on better footing, and then we can have a go and have a good time that time. So there's a there's a happy meeting. She is not the asshole here.

SPEAKER_09 16:54

She is not she is definitely not the asshole here. The judgment call is she is not the asshole.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

For sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 17:02

Madison, what do we have up next?

SPEAKER_05 17:06

Judgment called it.

Wedding Day Words That Wound

SPEAKER_05 17:21

Oh wow, okay. Oh wow. I didn't think you would go with the breakfast. I did it. I think breakfast is just a little bit. Yeah, that's good. Hey, that's right. And with this, no, we think it up.

SPEAKER_08 18:23

That was his whole job.

SPEAKER_06 18:25

He had one job.

SPEAKER_09 18:28

Baby, you're beautiful. I don't know where all the criticism came from.

SPEAKER_06 18:33

I don't, I don't. Um, here's a general rule. You know, we used to talk on boot camp about how you translate uh womanies and man-ese, right? You hear somebody speaking woman, the other person's hearing man. So uh for for the audience, one when a guy says oh wow, one time, that's good. Two old wows, not good. That's not good. Not good. Two old wows and six steps backwards, really not good, which is what he did. He took six giant steps backwards to take in what he was seeing. He clearly didn't like it, clearly didn't approve, and then he jumped right to the man part of his brain, which was, I don't know how this works. We got to do a dance, and I gotta spin you. I can't spin you with all this dress.

SPEAKER_09 19:22

Yeah, no, and I guess that would be on a lot of dudes' minds of how we're gonna spin you with all that dress. They don't know about the bustle in the back and the and the and the and the carrying and the thing. But I'm telling you, the brother had one job and he just didn't. And it didn't job. He didn't need to. This is not a time to be uber truthful.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

No, not on this day.

SPEAKER_06 19:44

No, not on not on, let me just let's be clear, Josh. Not on her wedding day. Yeah, her day, right?

SPEAKER_09 19:53

And it's his too. I mean, and women are always claiming it's our day, it's our day. Oh, but it's a oh listen. You know what?

SPEAKER_06 19:58

Objection, Your Honor. There's no guy who grows up thinking about his wedding day. You're gonna you're gonna tell me where to be, at what time, and what color to wear, and I'm gonna be there. That's what I'm gonna do. That is so true. Right? He this is her wedding day, bro. All you got, whatever she says, you're right, baby. Whatever, however, she's looking, you look amazing. If she showed up in flip-flops and shorts, oh my god, you look amazing. Is this a beast?

SPEAKER_09 20:24

You look gorgeous. Why be hesitant at that juncture? Why be?

SPEAKER_06 20:28

I mean, and she's beautiful, she's stunning there in that wedding dress. Now, here's what I do like. Here's what I do like. I don't want to pile on them too much because here's what I do like. When she did the brilliant thing, whether it was intentional or just her natural way, she went to a very vulnerable space and she said, I'm nervous. And at that point, it broke, it took his hand. She touched him, they got him to tune in and it broke through, and he closed the space and he comforted her and he gave her a hug. And in that moment, he was back on the board, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 21:02

And he had enough sense to come on board with it when she offered that. I mean, he could have stayed with the with the criticism, but he he he knew enough and he loved her enough to say, oh, hey, she's nervous. Let me come at me. Let me come at her as her man and not her critic critic.

SPEAKER_06 21:19

You got it. You got it. Love got him through. Love got him through on that. He found his way back. I love the fact that he found his way back. And so for her, um, if she can continue to do that in in those, in those couple moments, just be vulnerable, right? And share, and share something truthful, share something honest, and you gotta see how your partner handles it. If he continues to handle it like that, they can be an amazing couple.

SPEAKER_09 21:44

Absolutely. So my judgment call on this is despite how uncomfortable it was for the first minute or two. Oh wow. But not a minute or two, but I guess the first couple 30 seconds. Or I don't know how long the video was. Despite how uncomfortable it was, it got right. And I think they've got it, they got a shot.

SPEAKER_06 22:08

They got a shot. They got a big shot. He started off with two old wows, ended it with a nice hug and some comfort. And so he made a full recovery. Right? He made a full recovery. And I gotta believe that that's a woman who knows how to get him there. You know what I mean? Right.

SPEAKER_09 22:26

And she didn't respond with anger when she could have.

SPEAKER_06 22:29

She didn't. She didn't. It's the sports rule. It's the business owner rule and it's the sports rule. KYP, know your personnel. That's a woman who knows.

SPEAKER_09 22:40

Ish, I got another Am I the

The Affair Baby And Real Consequences

SPEAKER_09 22:42

Asshole? Oh, okay. Uh Am I the hassle for telling my husband's affair baby's family to either come get the kid or I'm calling CPS. My female 53, soon-to-be ex-husband, Roger 47, whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend, 22, could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge, she is in Spain. I allowed him to stay so long as I didn't have to do anything, and I mean anything. Well, about a month ago, Roger had a heart attack. It didn't kill him. More's the pity. But he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn't up and about, he cannot care for this child. He also cannot drop off and pick up the son at daycare. I have been helping, but I'm done. My kids are all full grown. I shouldn't be having grandkids anytime soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby. I told Roger that I want a divorce and I contacted the mother's parents. I know the father through the friend through through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild, or I was calling child protective services. They just left with the baby, but they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done no done me no harm. I view the child very differently. Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name, but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of 22 years of rent and interest to pay to put away. And as per our prenup, my savings are my own. I work and I don't need anything out of this marriage except myself. My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby, but both declined what I felt was a fair offer. Wow.

SPEAKER_06 24:39

Listen, uh, when does episode two come out? Because I want to watch that soon now.

SPEAKER_09 24:45

I know. Whoa. That's a lot to take. An affair with someone half her age comes up and baby. And a baby. And then he has a heart attack, can't take care of the baby.

SPEAKER_06 24:59

And when you're talking about your baby mama's whereabouts, what you don't want to have to say is, to the best of my knowledge, she might be in spake.

SPEAKER_09 25:09

Yeah, I I feel so terribly bad for this woman, but I don't feel that she was the asshole for not wanting to take care of that child. You know, your kids are grown to have a whole new baby that was a function of an affair. I mean, it was not the baby's fault. It was not the baby's sin. It and the baby cannot be convicted of anything. But then again, that child doesn't need to be raised by the woman that the husband cheated on to get the baby with. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 25:42

In no reality is she for not wanting to take care of her affair, husband's affair baby after he's had a heart attack and the baby mama has absconded abroad out of country. On no planet is this woman the asshole. I mean, Roger, I mean, my lord, Roger, come on. I mean, come on. See, the restraint that she has shown in not calling child protective services earlier is remarkable.

SPEAKER_09 26:08

And the family should have come and gotten her. I mean, you if if the mother abandoned him and she's off in Spain or wherever she is, the you know, the family should have come. And they did come, but they weren't right to scold her.

SPEAKER_06 26:19

No, no, they're not right to scold her. That child is, yes, it is a baby, it is innocent, it is a child, and it didn't ask to come here, and here we are, and we've got to do the best to protect them. However, that is not all her responsibility at all.

SPEAKER_07 26:32

At all.

SPEAKER_06 26:32

Not at all. So she's a big thing. Roger, I'm sorry you're laid up. No, she's clearly not the asshole. Roger, I'm sorry you're laid up, but on the men, get get soon well, brother, because you got a kid to take care of, bro. Yep. You know what I mean? Consequences come when we make choices. Roger made some choices, and they have come with some very significant consequences now, and he is dealing with them in both body and mind and spirit.

SPEAKER_09 26:57

Right.

SPEAKER_06 26:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 26:58

So definitely judgment call, not the animal.

SPEAKER_06 27:02

See, it's not the oh, take care of your affair, baby. Get out of here. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_09 27:08

Madison, what do you got up next for us?

Cheating, Blame, And The Spicy Cube

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Judgment call.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Cheated on him and I am the one who caught her. Y'all have been begging for an update on this one, so here we go. Let's get into it. My best friend was engaged to my brother-in-law. We went off for a batcher at party, and she cheated on him, and I am the one who caught her. Yes. And sucks to be me because I had to go home to my husband that night. I had popped a spicy cube, and I decided not to tell him that night. I had been drinking, he had been drinking, she waited to tell him until a couple days later when I could literally get up the nerve to ruin so many things. I told my husband what happened, he told his brother, and the wedding is off. You wanna know the worst part? Is like she's blaming me. She blames me. Yeah, she said it's my fault. Because I the one who brought the spicy cubes to her bachelor's party. So my question is if you're intoxicated or under the influence of something, is it your fault if you cheat or somebody's got to enlighten me.

SPEAKER_09 28:14

Somebody younger than me. What is a spicy cube?

SPEAKER_06 28:18

Okay, okay. So now listen, I had to do a little research here because I I too was not sure what a spicy cube was. A spicy cube, Judge, is for sexual enhancement for adults, right? It is a supplement. It comes with chili powder, chili spice, and a few other things, but the main ingredient is horny goat weed. So it's kind of an active Disiac, kind of gets you in the mood, enhances sexual pleasure. So that's that's that to answer your first question. That's a spicy cube. Oh, continue.

SPEAKER_09 28:50

I'm still trying to get next to what your answer was. So that's a spicy cube. Are they well I've enough about the spicy cube. I gotta pull myself back together here. Clearly, it is not her fault that she caught somebody cheating.

unknown 29:13

Right.

SPEAKER_09 29:13

Yes, right.

SPEAKER_06 29:15

Clearly. Spicy cute, listen, spicy cubes, supplements, drugs don't make you cheat. It's just it makes it easier for the cheater to wrap their head around their decision. That's all it does. It lowers your inhibitions, and that's what happened, right? She made a choice. It was a terrible choice right before the wedding. But uh sister, uh sister girl here, she did the right thing. Tell your husband, you got, and you tell your brother that this is what I saw, and do with it. What he wants to do with that information is on him. But no, but I got but she did the right thing by disclosing, I mean my Lord.

SPEAKER_09 29:52

Yeah, you you got to, you got to. And the and the and the thing is, you make a decision to take the spicy cube.

unknown 30:00

Right.

SPEAKER_09 30:01

Somebody makes it, no one makes you take it. So if you took the spicy cube and then her inhibitions were were de-inhibited and she did what she did, that's still on her. It's not on the person who brought the thing that you took that, you know, and it still have to be within your character to do it.

SPEAKER_06 30:18

Exactly. You can't blame a spicy cube. Spicy cube doesn't have anything to do with preference, do with choices. Okay. Now, here's the thing though, right? Here's the let's let's let's take it one layer deep. 65% of women who are now divorced say that they knew on their wedding day they were gonna get divorced.

SPEAKER_07 30:39

I've heard that.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

I've heard that artistic, yes.

SPEAKER_07 30:41

Knew all down the aisle that this was not gonna work out.

SPEAKER_06 30:45

That this was not gonna work out. Yes. So this really makes me wonder if this wasn't that her way of saying something isn't quite right. And while I don't quite have the words to express it, I can show it in behavior, and then what comes will let come what may, we'll deal with it then. So I gotta wonder if this wasn't kind of a cry for help saying, hey, something isn't all the way right here, because you're gonna cheat in a you're gonna cheat in a place with a woman present who's married to the guy who you're gonna marry, right? You you're gonna get there's a high probability you're gonna be able to do it. Right. You know what I mean? She didn't think that there's I gotta wonder if there was if on some subconscious level she wasn't saying, hey, you know what, we probably shouldn't do this. Let me just go ahead and do and and put this out there. I don't know, but that just I'm always looking for the motivation behind the behavior.

SPEAKER_09 31:40

Yeah, or she just could have gotten high and horny and did the wrong thing. These things have spicy cubes, right? And it went forward. So clearly, the woman who brought the spicy cubes, even though I would recommend against that kind of thing, you know, right? When those things aren't well regulated, you don't know exactly what's in them and how much they're in it, and you have no idea, and you things could go wrong.

SPEAKER_06 32:10

Things could go horribly wrong. Here's a doctor's disclaimer, right? If it's not if it's a supplement, it's not FDA regulated. We can't tell you how much is in it if at any of the thing that they're advertising is supposed to be in it. We've had over the over the course of the last two summers, we've had little kids overdose accidentally on melatonin, just because again, it's a supplement, and sometimes it says three, but in the capsule is 30 milligrams. Sometimes it says 30 and it's 300 because it's not regulated. And these supplements are the exact same way. So once you put it in your body, all bets are off about how you're gonna react to it.

SPEAKER_09 32:43

Yeah, and there are a lot of well, we can say that on another day. So, judgment call, she is not the asshole.

SPEAKER_06 32:52

She's not the asshole. She did the right thing. She saved, she saved, she saved two people from another seven years, maybe 10 plus more of misery.

SPEAKER_09 33:01

Absolutely. Right? Something that wouldn't work anyway.

SPEAKER_06 33:04

Absolutely. It wasn't gonna work. You know, it wasn't gonna work. It was the right thing to do. So here's there

What We Learn About Boundaries

SPEAKER_06 33:09

you have it.

SPEAKER_09 33:09

This is about family, in-laws, outlaws, and others that remain nameless.

SPEAKER_06 33:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 33:15

What did we learn today?

SPEAKER_06 33:17

Well, we learned that boundaries are hard to set. Yep. Uh, which makes them, which makes it that much more important why you have to, especially with family.

SPEAKER_09 33:28

Boundaries with family is extremely difficult to set.

SPEAKER_06 33:31

Especially with family, because we all have a role to play. We have a job to do in our family dynamic. And as we get older, every time we go back home, all your family sees is the you you used to be. The you you were when you were 18, 17 when you left home. And so they expect you to go back in the role. So you've got to fight sometimes not to get pushed back into that person you no longer are. Right.

SPEAKER_09 33:55

Absolutely. Well, thank you so much, Dr. Ish. I'll see you next week on Judgment Call.

SPEAKER_06 34:00

Good. Always, always a fun conversation.

SPEAKER_04 34:03

See you next week. She's seen it all from the bench. He's helped couples through it all. Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates. Real relationships, real reactions, real talk. This is Judgment Call.